Transcript of The Real Reason Behind Your Pain and Sorrow By J. Krishnamurti & Osho | Mind Creates Suffering

[Music] love is one of the most misused words in human relationships what we often call love is not love at all but a deep emotional dependency born out of inner emptiness this dependency begins when a person feels incomplete within and tries to find wholeness through another in the beginning it appears beautiful filled with care attention and concern but slowly a subtle shift happens the need for the other becomes so strong that love turns into possessiveness the same person who once gave freedom now demands control the same eyes that once admired now scan with suspicion this is how love when rooted in fear and insecurity transforms into a silent prison most people do not enter relationships with awareness they enter with a hope to escape their own loneliness when someone makes them feel special they get addicted to that feeling but that feeling was never theirs it was always dependent on the other the moment the other changes becomes distant or loses interest their emotional world collapses this collapse reveals the painful truth that what they called love was actually an emotional crutch emotional dependency is not love it is a kind of begging it says "I cannot be happy without you." Which means I have no inner foundation i need you to stand this is not love this is fear disguised in romantic words fear wears the mask of attachment when we are attached we are afraid of losing the person we cling we expect we demand we say we love them but our actions are based on fear we want to be needed wanted prioritized not because of love but because of our fear of being alone rejected or abandoned love cannot coexist with fear true love is free it does not bind it says be yourself i will not interfere but emotional dependency says be what I want you to be so that I feel safe this is how control starts to enter imagine a couple in the early stages of a relationship one partner gives the other full attention always replying quickly making time and expressing affection the other starts expecting it initially it feels sweet but slowly expectation replaces gratitude if the partner replies late irritation arises if they go out with friends suspicion grows why didn't you tell me earlier who are you with these questions are not out of love they are out of fear the fear of losing that emotional supply the fear of being left alone starts driving the relationship slowly both start controlling each other in subtle and open ways deciding what the other wears who they meet how they talk and they still call it love the mind is very cunning it cannot live with the unknown and love is a deeply unknown unpredictable space so the mind tries to cage love through labels like boyfriend girlfriend husband wife the moment we label a relationship the freedom starts to shrink with the label comes a contract a silent expectation of behavior and this is where the beauty of love starts dying real love does not seek security and form it is content with the presence the flow but dependency wants guarantees it wants loyalty promises commitment not because it loves deeply but because it fears deeply look at how people behave in relationships there is constant checking of each other's phones asking where they were getting upset over small things and needing constant reassurance this is not love this is emotional hunger this is a child crying out to be held many adults have never grown emotionally they carry childhood wounds of neglect abandonment and insecurity in adulthood they look for someone to fix that inner brokenness when someone comes close and gives attention they feel healed for a while but instead of healing themselves they become dependent on that person for healing the partner unknowingly becomes a therapist a parent a rescuer roles no one can fulfill permanently so when the partner fails to meet these emotional needs consistently conflict arises real love begins only when you are complete within if you are emotionally full you do not look at someone as a source of your happiness you share you give but you do not cling you do not become a beggar you remain a giver but when you are empty inside and enter a relationship you will drain the other you will become a burden that's why so many relationships feel heavy not because love is heavy but because emotional neediness is emotional dependency is a silent addiction it is subtle it hides under sweet words like "I miss you i can't live without you you are my everything." These sound romantic but they reveal deep inner bondage when someone becomes your everything you have lost your connection with your own being that is not intimacy that is self-abandonment and once you abandon yourself you start expecting the other to fulfill your emotional gaps this creates pressure in the relationship one person becomes the giver the other the taker and soon love becomes obligation conversations become negotiations and both feel trapped you can see this in friendships too one friend expects the other to call daily to always be available if not the complaint arises you've changed but change is natural people evolve lives shift when attachment is present even natural change feels like betrayal why because the dependent one had built their sense of worth around the others attention when that attention reduces they feel unloved not because they are unloved but because they never learn to love themselves this is the root problem lack of self-love when you love yourself you don't seek emotional food from outside you enjoy others but you don't depend on them you celebrate presence not possession you don't need to control anyone because your happiness is not under threat but when you don't know how to sit with yourself in silence you become addicted to noise emotional noise people noise relationship drama you use others as a way to escape your own inner restlessness and this escape is the foundation of emotional dependency true love is not needy it is respectful it gives space it allows the other to breathe to be flawed to change to walk away if they wish this kind of love can only arise when you are deeply content within otherwise even your best intentions will carry fear you will use love as a bargain i loved you so much how could you do this to me this statement reveals that what was called love was actually an investment you expected a return and when it didn't come you felt cheated but love is not business it has no transactions it only flows when there is no agenda emotional attachment also leads to self- betrayal people suppress their own truth desires and individuality to keep the other happy they stay silent when something feels wrong they agree when they want to say no why because they are afraid of conflict rejection or abandonment they sacrifice themselves to keep the other and in doing so they lose their own soul over time resentment builds they blame the other for controlling them but the truth is they gave away that control out of fear when you begin to observe these patterns in your life transformation becomes possible observe your reactions in relationships are you reacting out of love or fear do you genuinely care for the other or are you afraid of losing them do you feel peaceful in their presence or anxious when they are not responding the way you want these questions reveal the truth of your emotional state also notice how society romanticizes emotional dependency songs movies and stories often glorify obsessive love heartbreak and longing but all of this is glorified suffering real love is silent present and not attention-seeking it does not cry for validation it doesn't need to constantly say "I love you." Its presence is enough emotional dependency on the other hand is noisy it keeps needing words proofs and reassurances that's why dependent love always feels like hard work because it is rooted in inner lack freedom is the highest expression of love when you love someone you don't clip their wings you don't ask them to shrink for your comfort you don't ask them to always make you feel secure instead you trust their space their silence and their choices that trust can only come when you are not living in fear yourself a fearful heart cannot trust it always doubts always suspects always clings to come out of emotional dependency one must first face their own aloneeness sit silently with yourself watch your thoughts your cravings your emotional habits let the inner emptiness surface don't run from it that emptiness is your doorway to freedom it is not a curse it is a call to return home when you stop escaping you start healing you start building a relationship with your own self not as an idea but as an experience you begin to enjoy solitude not as loneliness but as a peaceful state from this space love can arise a love that does not beg does not demand and does not bind this journey requires honesty you must admit to yourself when you are clinging when you are using others to avoid your inner pain when you are calling fear love the moment you see it clearly change begins awareness breaks the chain in that light of awareness you will see how many of your relationships were built on illusion not truth and from that insight you can begin again not with fear but with presence let your relationships become a reflection of your wholeness not your wounds let love be a space of growth not a trap of emotional dependency let go of the need to control and you will discover the joy of real connection one that is light respectful and rooted in freedom this is love most people think they are in love but what they are truly in is a form of escape they don't fall in love with the other person they fall in love with the way that person helps them run away from their own inner emptiness if you observe closely most relationships are not about deep connection they are about distraction one is not seeking the other person for who they are but for how they make them feel we are not really meeting people we are using them as mirrors to feel better about our own broken self a man praises a woman not because he sees her truth but because he enjoys how she reacts to his praise a woman may stay with a man not because she deeply connects but because he fills the void that loneliness creates it's not love it's an arrangement to avoid the mirror of our own mind the moment that arrangement starts failing the love also starts dying this is why many relationships begin with excitement and end in disappointment in the beginning both individuals are caught in the illusion that the other is their savior from inner pain they project beauty strength and meaning onto the other person but with time reality breaks the dream you start seeing the other person as they are not as who you wanted them to be and this is where the cracks begin what we call heartbreak is often just the collapse of an illusion we created out of desperation we didn't want a real person we wanted an emotional shelter and when that shelter shows signs of imperfection the fear comes back stronger than ever at the root of this fear is the deep human tendency to avoid being alone loneliness feels like a punishment to most people they don't see solitude as an opportunity to know themselves they see it as a danger zone so they cling to relationships not out of love but out of fear this fear becomes the foundation of emotional dependency you feel incomplete without the other not because they complete you but because they temporarily silence your inner noise you need their attention to feel valuable you need their presence to feel secure and that very need becomes the prison of the relationship emotional dependency is often mistaken for intimacy but there's a big difference between sharing your life and becoming psychologically dependent on someone in most cases people become emotionally addicted to others the way one becomes addicted to a drug you are not in love you are in withdrawal when they are not around you panic you worry you overthink this is not love it's fear wearing a mask of attachment a person who cannot sit alone with their own thoughts will always need someone to keep the mind busy and the moment the other person stops fulfilling that role dissatisfaction sets in relationships start to suffer when the need for validation enters when you constantly look to the other person to tell you that you are enough you are setting the stage for disappointment validation is like a thirst that never ends today you want a compliment tomorrow you want appreciation next week you want them to defend you in front of others your self-worth becomes a task for them to manage slowly love turns into a transaction if you make me feel good about myself I'll love you this becomes the unspoken rule but no one can keep fulfilling your endless need for validation sooner or later they will slip and when they do anger blame and distance enter the space think about how often people fight not because of real issues but because of unmet expectations one forgets to say "I love you," and the other feels ignored one forgets a birthday or doesn't give enough compliments and suddenly the other feels unloved these are not signs of love they are signs of inner emptiness if you truly feel full inside you don't need someone to keep telling you that you are worthy but most of us have been raised in a culture that tells us your value depends on how others see you so we keep chasing people praise attention and acceptance hoping it will fix the broken mirror within in truth the fear of being alone is the hidden root of most relationship troubles a man might stay in a toxic marriage simply because the thought of coming home to an empty house scares him more than verbal abuse a woman might hold on to a controlling partner because deep down she fears that without him she would feel invisible and unwanted people keep tolerating pain not because they are brave but because they are terrified of the silence that loneliness brings but this silence is not the enemy it is the doorway to true love real love can only happen when you don't need the other person when you are okay with your aloneeness when you are no longer begging for someone to complete you then something magical happens you stop using others as crutches and start meeting them as they are you don't need their attention you enjoy their presence you don't need their praise you respect their truth you don't fear losing them you cherish the connection without clinging and that space that freedom that absence of fear that is love in most cases what we call love is actually fear management we are managing our fear of loneliness our fear of being unseen our fear of being unloved so we create roles boyfriend girlfriend husband wife and hide behind those titles but those titles cannot replace deep human connection you can call someone your life partner and still feel deeply disconnected from them that disconnect exists because we never truly met each other in the first place we met out of need out of fear out of habit but not out of awareness look around you and see how many relationships are held together not by love but by the fear of letting go people stay together just because they don't want to start over they choose suffering over silence they choose comfort zones over self-discovery but the truth is unless you walk through your own loneliness you will keep using people like painkillers you will become a beggar in love always asking for more and never able to give freely you will mistake possession for affection control for care and insecurity for intimacy only a person who is at peace with their own aloneeness can bring love into a relationship otherwise every relationship becomes a battlefield of expectations you didn't call me you didn't understand me you didn't support me these are not the cries of love they are cries of insecurity love does not say "Fulfill me." Love says "I am full and I wish to share." But for that fullness to happen one must first look within and heal to look within is uncomfortable it means facing the hidden wounds the buried fears the suppressed sadness but this is the real journey until you can sit alone and be okay with your own presence you will never meet another with clarity most people don't want to go on this journey they would rather jump from one relationship to another hoping the next person will fix what the last one couldn't but that cycle never ends because the root problem is not outside it is the fear inside even in friendships this fear operates you may find yourself constantly seeking approval needing others to agree with you like your posts respond to your messages and give you a sense of importance why because deep down you feel invisible without it but this invisibility is not created by others it is a result of not knowing yourself if you don't see your own worth no number of friends or lovers can make you feel seen and when they fail to validate you you feel betrayed this is how expectations ruin relationships imagine a man who constantly needs his partner to tell him he's doing a great job every time she forgets he feels disrespected over time she starts feeling like she is walking on eggshells always afraid of not saying enough slowly the joy disappears or imagine a woman who needs her partner to keep reminding her how beautiful she is if he forgets for a few days she begins to doubt the love this is how insecurity disguises itself as romance you don't want to be loved you want to be reassured and no one can reassure you forever there is a deep freedom in being okay with not being constantly validated it allows the other person to be real to relax to be themselves it creates space for truth for growth for silence but to reach that space one must step out of the neediness that comes from inner emptiness one must stop running from themselves this is not easy but it is the only way relationships should not be a way to hide from yourself they should be a mirror in which both individuals grow but for that to happen each person must be rooted in self-awareness you must first understand your own mind why you crave praise why you fear silence why you feel unloved and then watch how much lighter you feel when that craving begins to dissolve a relationship born out of self-awareness becomes a journey not a destination it becomes a space of exploration not control and in that space real love unconditional non-clinging and peaceful begins to bloom in the end love is not about holding someone tightly so they don't leave love is about holding space so that they can be free and still choose to stay you don't need to use someone to escape your pain you can look at your pain directly you can understand it you can befriend it and then when you no longer fear your aloneeness you can meet another not to escape but to celebrate that is love not need not fear not control but freedom we often carry invisible chains around our hearts bonds that look like love on the surface but slowly eat away at our peace from within these emotional bonds are rarely questioned because they come with sweet memories promises of forever or a deep sense of responsibility but what happens when love becomes suffocating when care turns into control and when attachment disguises itself as affection that's when emotional connections turn toxic not necessarily because the other person is bad but because we are stuck in our own inner confusion we stay because we fear losing them or perhaps because we fear losing the image we have built around ourselves in that relationship the pain we feel is not only because of what is happening but also because of what we are unwilling to let go the story the identity the emotional drama that defines us the mind creates stories roles of lover friend partner savior or victim and we begin to believe that these roles are who we really are slowly we lose touch with our real self and become entangled in the false self which feeds on approval attachment and emotional drama the mei that we defend so fiercely is actually just a bunch of mental labels stitched together by thought it says "I am the one who is always there for others or I cannot live without this person." These statements are not truths they are fears disguised as identity when we cling to someone out of fear of loneliness or fear of losing importance we are no longer relating with love but from a place of insecurity that insecurity is not about the other person it is about our own image of who we think we are breaking free from toxic emotional bonds is not about walking away in anger or cutting people off without reflection it is about looking inward with clarity it's about recognizing how we become slaves to our own emotional needs how we use others to feel worthy and how we confuse dependency with love love never hurts attachment does love gives freedom emotional bondage demands manipulates and expects one might say "But I love them deeply yet still feel trapped anxious and unworthy." That's not love that's the ego using emotional closeness as fuel for its survival the ego is clever it makes emotional suffering look noble it says you're loyal when you're simply unable to move on it says you're selfless when you're actually avoiding your own growth ego doesn't want to be alone not because it loves but because it cannot stand being nothing so it clings to relationships even painful ones because at least there it feels like someone that someone is the false self the mental construction of me built from years of thought fear memory and labels take a simple example a person in a relationship constantly adjusts themselves suppresses their desires and sacrifices their joy just to keep the other person happy on the outside this may look like love or commitment but on the inside there's frustration fear and self- neglect over time this creates bitterness when asked why they don't leave the answer often comes from identity because I'm not the kind of person who gives up but is it really love to abandon your own truth just to preserve a role the fear of being seen as selfish broken or wrong keeps many people stuck in suffering but the truth is when you deny yourself for the sake of others you're not being loving you're just afraid of losing your image letting go doesn't always mean you have to leave a relationship sometimes it just means dropping the expectations the emotional neediness and the constant inner bargaining it means freeing yourself from the emotional prison that says "I can't be happy unless this person behaves a certain way." That is slavery to the mind love becomes toxic when it starts depending on conditions true love is unconditional not in speech but in being there is space respect and freedom if you need someone to make you feel complete you are not in love you are in need and neediness breeds pain jealousy control and emotional manipulation the first step to healing is awareness seeing clearly what is happening without blaming others this requires courage because our entire personality is often built on the belief that we are good because we suffer for others but to awaken is to see that suffering is not virtue it's ignorance we have used people to fill our inner emptiness we have mistaken emotional dependence for love and we have called our fear of being alone as loyalty but the truth is if you need someone to feel whole you are not in love you are in illusion the mind wants certainty it wants guarantees that's why it binds itself emotionally to others so that there's at least one fixed thing in a world that feels uncertain but no human being can be your certainty people change emotions fluctuate life shifts and if your inner peace depends on someone staying the same forever you will suffer toxic bonds are born when two incomplete people try to complete each other through attachment real connection happens when two free whole beings share space not when they cling to each other like emotional crutches many relationships become battlegrounds of the ego one wants to dominate the other wants to be right one wants attention the other wants space both are operating from fear not love and fear cannot create beauty it can only create dependency conflict guilt and insecurity people think if I leave they'll suffer or if I don't give in they'll abandon me but these are not thoughts of love they are rooted in the need to control or to be needed and both are forms of emotional bondage freedom begins when we stop taking emotional pain as a sign of love it is not love that makes us cry at night it is our fear our insecurity our expectations love never demands tears love never says "Prove your worth." That voice belongs to the ego when we stop identifying with our mental roles girlfriend husband friend victim we begin to see reality we begin to relate with truth not through images or stories the false self thrives on emotional drama it needs problems to feel alive that's why many people unconsciously stay in toxic bonds they feed off the emotional intensity the fights the makeups the apologies the emotional roller coaster these become their emotional identity without the chaos they feel empty so the mind creates problems just to feel like someone but peace is not boring it is just unfamiliar the ego finds silence threatening but the real you does not to break free one must start observing these patterns when someone disrespects you do you immediately feel a need to fix it to please them to earn back love that's not love it's your ego reacting to the threat of being unloved emotional freedom begins when you no longer seek others to validate your worth it begins when you are okay with being misunderstood unloved or even alone because your peace is no longer negotiable freedom also means forgiving yourself many people stay stuck in guilt saying "I stayed too long or I wasted years." But guilt is just another trick of the ego it wants you to suffer even after you have awakened but the moment of realization is the moment of freedom don't let guilt become a new cage learn from it but don't live in it the past is dead what matters is what you choose now even in families emotional bonds can become toxic a child may grow up feeling responsible for their parents happiness a parent may control a child in the name of love a sibling may demand loyalty while offering none in return but love without freedom is not love it's emotional blackmail and yet we carry these emotional roles like sacred duties we confuse obligation with love but love is not heavy it does not burden if a relationship makes you feel less it is not love it is conditioning so how do we free ourselves without becoming cold or distant by being deeply aware inwardly still and completely honest stop running stop pretending sit with your discomfort let the fear rise let the loneliness speak don't escape into distractions or fake positivity be real only then can healing begin emotional freedom does not come from blaming or breaking others it comes from seeing the ego's games and not playing them anymore one may ask "But who will I be if I am not this role?" That's the biggest fear because the ego is terrified of nothingness it wants identity even if it hurts but real peace arises in that very nothingness when you drop the roles and just be when you are not a lover a victim a savior or a child just pure awareness untouched by story freedom is not a destination it's a momentto- moment choice every time you choose to stay present rather than react to listen rather than assume to walk away rather than cling you are reclaiming your soul from emotional slavery this does not mean you become hard or unloving on the contrary you become more loving because your love is no longer tied to fear or expectation you can love freely give fully and yet stay rooted in your own truth breaking free from toxic emotional bonds is not an act of rebellion it is an act of deep self-love it is choosing inner silence over outer noise it is choosing clarity over confusion it is choosing to live as your true self not as a puppet of past wounds or mental labels this freedom is not against anyone it is simply for your own life the ego is not a real entity it is just a bundle of thoughts past stories images and future expectations that we carry in the mind it is not who we are it is just what we think we are and this thinking self survives only through memory and imagination ego lives either in the regret of the past or the ambition of the future it cannot exist in the present moment in fact if one becomes totally present ego disappears like mist in sunlight but because we are rarely present the ego keeps running the show it constantly reminds us of what we were what we did what we achieved how we were hurt how we were praised it uses all this to build a false identity that says this is me then it projects goals and dreams this is what I will become or this is what I must achieve and again strengthens the illusion this entire movement of the mind is like living in a film that is either a flashback or a future fantasy never real never now in real life one can observe this in many ways a man keeps talking about how he was a topper in school or how people once respected him why is he holding on to those memories because those memories give him a sense of self without them he feels empty another person keeps chasing promotions awards or social media likes she believes her worth depends on achieving something in the future the ego uses both success and suffering to feed itself even someone who constantly remembers how they were betrayed insulted or rejected in the past is unknowingly strengthening their ego by identifying as a victim the mind says look at what happened to me and the me becomes a permanent structure this structure is not natural it is maintained daily by thinking comparing remembering and imagining this is where identity comes in we create identities to protect ourselves from feeling vulnerable insecure or meaningless identity becomes a psychological defense a person might say I am a successful businessman or I am a spiritual person or I am a victim of trauma these identities give a sense of control certainty and definition in a world that otherwise feels uncertain and unpredictable but the price of these identities is inner bondage the more tightly we hold on to them the more fear we have of losing them a man who defines himself as successful is terrified of failure a woman who calls herself beautiful is constantly worried about aging even spiritual seekers may fall into this trap calling themselves awakened evolved or pure and subtly becoming proud of that image in truth these identities are like masks they hide our raw real alive being behind labels and roles but we get so attached to these masks that we forget we are wearing them we start living as if the mask is our real face this is how we become prisoners of our own self-image a person who believes I must always be strong will never allow themselves to cry someone who believes I am always right will never accept their mistake the self-image becomes a cage it dictates how we behave what we say what we avoid and what we suppress life becomes artificial spontaneity dies relationships suffer instead of being real with people we act according to the image we want to protect we hide our pain fears doubts and tenderness just to maintain a certain identity and once this identity is formed the ego constantly feels the need to prove itself it wants validation it wants praise it wants others to agree with its image that's why people feel offended when criticized it threatens the image that's why people argue boast show off or even lie to defend the ego this creates endless conflict within and outside a man who thinks he's intelligent cannot bear being called stupid a woman who believes she's kind becomes aggressive when someone points out her selfishness even children start learning this game early they cry when someone says they are not smart not pretty not strong why because we raise them in a world obsessed with proving defending and [Music] comparing comparison is the ego's favorite tool it cannot simply be it must always be better or worse so we look at others and feel jealous inferior or superior we see someone earning more and we feel small we see someone doing worse and we feel better this habit of comparison destroys our inner peace it steals our uniqueness each human being is different yet ego wants to measure and rank everyone even spiritual growth becomes a race who is more awakened more aware more disciplined and so we remain restless always measuring never resting the truth is the need to prove and compare comes from deep insecurity if one is truly content and aware there is no desire to show off or feel better than others one simply lives fully and freely this insecurity often hides behind perfectionism and peopleleasing a person who always wants to appear perfect is actually afraid of being seen as flawed a person who keeps trying to please others is afraid of rejection so they wear masks say things they don't mean do things they don't enjoy and end up feeling exhausted deep down the ego is always afraid afraid of being nobody of not mattering of not being special so it clings to roles achievements relationships beliefs anything that can give it a false sense of identity but this fear-based identity can never bring peace it can only bring tension comparison pride shame and anxiety look at the world around how many people are truly free inside most are living in a constant struggle to become someone to maintain an image to fit into a role even in families we play roles father mother son daughter not as natural expressions of love but as rigid identities we fight to be respected to be heard to be seen but who is this me that needs so much protection if we watch it carefully we'll see that this me is nothing but thought it has no substance it is made of stories beliefs labels desires and fears all of which are in the mind when we stop thinking about who we were or who we should be when we stop comparing and defending we touch something deeper something beyond the ego that deeper space is awareness it is silent still and untouched by images in that space there is no need to prove or defend anything one is simply present alive whole and alert from this space one can observe the ego's movements without getting caught in them one can see the urge to argue and let it pass one can feel jealousy arise and not act on it one can notice the craving for praise and gently return to awareness this is real freedom not the freedom to do what we want but the freedom from what we are not it is the freedom to live without masks to relate without roles to speak without fear and to love without conditions but this freedom is not given it has to be discovered through deep self inquiry one has to observe the mind like a scientist observes a lab experiment watch how thought compares watch how it creates images watch how it resists being nobody this watching this awareness brings light and in that light false structures dissolve it is not about fighting the ego that only strengthens it it is about understanding it seeing it clearly and letting it go this is a daily inner work not a one-time insight in every moment the ego tries to creep back with a new identity awareness is the only antidote when one begins to live with this awareness life changes completely one becomes more real more open more relaxed there is no need to chase respect or hide emotions success and failure lose their grip praise and blame become shallow noises relationships become spaces of connection not arenas of performance life becomes simpler not because problems vanish but because the inner noise reduces when the ego quiets down the heart begins to speak and the heart doesn't need to prove anything it just wants to live fully love deeply and experience the beauty of each moment without turning it into a story in this space even pain becomes a teacher one sees how the ego turns pain into identity for example someone who is cheated in love might carry that wound for years and keep repeating people cannot be trusted this becomes a part of their self-image but with awareness one sees that pain is real but it doesn't need to become a personality it doesn't need to become me it was just an event a moment an experience the more we see this the less we carry unnecessary baggage the past loses its grip the future becomes less anxious and the now becomes rich and enough this is not philosophy it is a living truth anyone can experience it not by becoming someone new but by dropping who they are not by watching thoughts without getting trapped in them by allowing emotions without being owned by them by living with awareness instead of with identification in every moment of anger jealousy or fear there is a choice to defend the ego or to wake up from it that choice makes all the difference and slowly moment by moment awareness replaces ego silence replaces noise and love replaces fear to live this way is not easy it requires courage the courage to face inner emptiness without filling it with identity the courage to be misunderstood without defending the courage to not compare not chase not prove but this courage brings a peace that no success or validation can offer a peace that is not dependent on image approval or past glory a peace that comes from being rooted in reality not in thoughts this is the beginning of true living beyond ego beyond image beyond mind ego is not something solid or visible it is an inner noise a mental chatter that never seems to stop it is not who we are but what we think we are this noise lives in our head constantly judging labeling comparing justifying defending and narrating it whispers things like "I must be better than others they should respect me i was wronged i need to prove myself." Or "What will people think?" And it doesn't rest even when we're alone ego thrives in separation it sees life as a battlefield where I must win must be right must be important even in silence this noise continues when you sit quietly trying to relax the inner voice may suddenly remind you of something embarrassing from years ago or start planning how to impress someone tomorrow this voice is like a background radio that's always playing and most people have become so used to it that they don't even realize it's on but this noise is not natural it is a product of our psychological identity it is built from past experiences fears pride insecurities and desires the ego collects every praise and insult every success and failure and creates a self-image that self-image becomes the center the me around which everything rotates but this me is just a thought it is not real yet we live as if it is imagine a man walking into a room full of people if his ego is active his mind is instantly flooded with noise do I look good what do they think of me am I being judged should I speak or stay quiet how do I appear more confident he may smile on the outside but inside there's restlessness performance anxiety and a subtle fear of being less now imagine another person walking into the same room but without that inner voice he is simply aware of the space the people the energy in the room he has no agenda to impress no fear of being judged he is just present he doesn't need to wear a mask the difference is huge one lives in noise the other in silence one is constantly calculating the other simply observing the ego tries to control every moment fearing what will happen if it doesn't but life is not meant to be controlled like that life flows beautifully when we allow it when we are present without resistance this resistance this control this constant commentary it is ego it steals our peace and robs us of the now the real tragedy is not just that the ego makes noise but that we believe we are that noise we never pause to ask who is listening to this voice inside that's where self inquiry begins real transformation starts not by fighting the ego not by improving it but by becoming aware of it the moment you start observing the thoughts rather than getting caught in them a space is born in that space a new intelligence arises not of thought but of awareness you begin to see how reactive you've been how anger arises like a storm and you become it how jealousy appears and you wear it like clothes but now you watch you don't judge you don't analyze you just observe that silent watching is the beginning of freedom most people try to fix the mind or change their thoughts or make the ego more positive but that is like rearranging the furniture in a burning house the solution is not in fixing the content of the noise but in stepping out of it altogether to watch the noise without participating in it to see the ego not be the ego let's say someone criticizes you at work instantly the ego feels attacked thoughts explode how dare he say that he's always targeting me i need to defend myself but if you are aware you notice something very subtle the moment the words are spoken there is a space before reaction in that space you can simply feel the reaction arise in the body tightness in the chest heat in the face mental resistance building up and if you watch it without judging it the reaction starts to fade the energy of the emotion dissolves because you are no longer feeding it this is not suppression this is not acting nice this is real inner alchemy the ego can only survive when you are unconscious the moment you bring awareness into the moment ego begins to lose its grip self inquiry is not about asking philosophical questions like who am I and then thinking of answers it is about observing the false identities that arise moment to moment when someone praises you observe how the ego inflates when someone ignores you observe how the ego contracts when you are right see how pride arises when you are wrong notice how shame appears these are all masks the real eye has no pride and no shame it simply is this real eye is not a concept it is not an idea it is your pure awareness your capacity to see without judging to feel without becoming the feeling this pure seeing is the art of living but most people live as bundles of reactions always swinging between highs and lows depending on how the ego is fed or hurt if someone loves them they feel worthy if someone leaves them they feel empty but this is not love this is not truth this is slavery to inner noise even in relationships ego plays a dangerous role we often say "I love you." But what we mean is "I love how you make me feel." The moment that feeling changes the love disappears this is not love it is emotional dependence ego wants ownership not connection it wants control not vulnerability it says "You are mine not you are free." This creates suffering conflict and manipulation real love begins only when ego steps aside when we see the other not as an object to fulfill our needs but as a mirror to know ourselves every relationship becomes a teacher if we are aware every irritation becomes an invitation to see our own expectations every fight becomes a mirror of our inner wounds but only if we are willing to watch without judgment the ego hides in many forms pride ambition guilt shame comparison anxiety even spirituality one can meditate from ego one can seek enlightenment from ego i want to be more peaceful than others is still ego i am not good enough is also ego it can even hide behind humility someone may say "I am nothing." But secretly hope others admire their humility this is why the path to truth is so subtle it requires total honesty with oneself no tricks no justifications no selfdeception just watching just awareness that's why watching without judgment is the highest practice judgment is thought trying to take control awareness is silence that sees clearly when you watch your thoughts like clouds passing in the sky you begin to taste freedom you are not the clouds you are the sky in modern life the noise of ego is amplified by social media competition and comparison everyone is chasing likes followers success attention we try to create a perfect image of ourselves while inside we feel anxious and empty the more we try to be someone the more we lose touch with who we really are we live in a world of performance not presence in this noisy world silence is revolutionary just sitting with yourself without a phone without distractions and simply watching your inner world this is now rare but this is the door to truth in the silence of awareness you meet yourself not your roles not your achievements not your failures but your presence your aliveness some people fear silence because when the noise stops old pain surfaces memories wounds rejections they all start to arise but that is not a problem that is healing when awareness shines all hidden pain starts to melt when you stop running you finally meet yourself this meeting is not always comfortable but it is real the ego avoids this meeting at all costs it wants to escape into busyiness distractions goals entertainment it says "Do something fix something become something." But awareness says just be just watch and in that being transformation happens you no longer react out of habit you no longer chase or cling you begin to trust life you begin to flow freedom is not in having a strong ego freedom is in seeing through the ego not destroying it not fighting it but understanding it when you understand the ego deeply it loses its power like a shadow exposed to light it disappears then you are no longer the prisoner of thoughts beliefs identities you are free not as an idea but as a living reality this freedom is not something you achieve it is something you return to it was always there hidden beneath the noise awareness is not something you add to yourself it is what remains when you remove what is false the real eye is not noisy it is silent still vast like the sky even in daily life this awareness can be practiced while brushing your teeth can you be totally present while talking to someone can you listen without preparing your reply while feeling angry can you watch the heat in your chest without reacting these are simple moments but in these moments awakening is possible enlightenment is not a future event it is the end of psychological noise now every moment you choose awareness over reaction you return home to yourself and when you live from that space everything changes you don't need to control life you flow with it you don't need to impress others you express truth you don't fear being alone because you are whole ego does not only live in the mind it lives in every reaction every resistance every effort to control it appears when someone doesn't reply to your message and you instantly feel ignored or offended it shows up when you walk past a group of people laughing and you wonder if they're laughing at you it's there when you try to impress someone by pretending to be smarter stronger or more confident than you actually feel these small moments reveal a deep truth ego is always trying to protect an image it's not interested in reality it's interested in maintaining a story a story about who you are who you must be and how others must see you but life has no interest in your story life doesn't care about your labels it keeps moving changing flowing whether you hold on or let go ego is that holding on it clings to opinions memories identities beliefs it says "This is who I am." Even if that image causes pain why because letting go feels like death to the ego it fears disappearing but only when the ego dissolves does peace begin to arise watch how ego reacts when someone corrects you the immediate urge to defend justify or explain arises i know what I'm doing they don't understand or why are they always criticizing me these are not just thoughts they are shields the ego cannot remain open it is always defending but life is not an attack people are not always enemies correction is not always rejection a person who is aware sees correction as learning not as insult they don't personalize everything they see that the ego is the one getting hurt not their true self a person rooted in awareness doesn't react they respond they breathe watch and then speak that moment of pause between stimulus and reaction is where transformation lives in that small space truth can enter but the ego doesn't allow space it fills every gap with noise that's why silence is the greatest threat to ego silence exposes it when you sit in stillness and just watch your thoughts without running away you begin to notice how loud the mind is you realize you are constantly trying to fix prove improve or protect something that something is the ego people think ego is only arrogance or pride but ego is also self-pity guilt and victimhood it says poor me nobody understands me or I always suffer or why is life so unfair to me this also strengthens the sense of me the sufferer the wounded one even misery can be used to feed ego some people hold on to pain for years not because it helps them but because it defines them they don't know who they are without that story but true healing begins only when you stop identifying with pain and start witnessing it pain is real but the story around it is created by thought and thought keeps repeating the past fearing the future and avoiding the now in this loop the ego keeps breathing but awareness is the fire that breaks the loop when you simply watch your thoughts without becoming them the story loses its power you realize I am not the wounded self i am the watcher and this watcher is not cold or distant it is full of intelligence compassion and clarity it sees everything but it doesn't cling to anything one of the ways ego traps us is through comparison you scroll through social media see someone's success beauty or lifestyle and suddenly feel inferior the mind says "I'm not good enough." Or "I need to achieve more." But you forget that what you're seeing is a curated image not reality even if it were real why compare a tree doesn't compare its height with another tree a river doesn't compete with another river only ego does that because it doesn't feel whole but the truth is you are already whole you don't need to be better than anyone you need to be aware of who you truly are that awareness makes you unique without trying to be it makes you natural without effort ego needs recognition awareness doesn't need applause it is its own reward ego wants to be seen awareness sees that's the difference one lives in seeking the other in seeing sometimes the ego hides behind roles mother father boss student teacher you begin to believe you are the role and then you suffer when the role is challenged a parent may feel hurt when a child questions them not because the question is wrong but because the ego feels disrespected a leader may get angry when someone disagrees not because the idea is bad but because the ego feels threatened but these roles are not you they are temporary functions the moment you start watching yourself play these roles without attachment a great lightness enters your life you do your part with sincerity but without clinging you act but don't react you speak but don't impose you love but don't possess this is the joy of egoless action and it begins with simple awareness just observing your tone your emotions your inner dialogue throughout the day no judgment just watching try this next time you're in a heated discussion don't try to win just listen watch what happens inside you feel the rise of heat the desire to argue the tightness in your jaw don't resist it don't fight it just watch it like a scientist observing a chemical reaction that moment of observation breaks the old pattern the mind begins to quiet down you realize the argument was not really with the other person it was with your own ego this shift changes your relationships you become less reactive more patient more understanding you realize most people are not speaking from awareness they are speaking from their own inner noise and once you see that you no longer take things personally even in solitude ego finds a way to speak you sit alone and it begins i should be doing something useful i'm wasting time i need to be productive or why am I feeling like this it doesn't let you be but awareness allows you to sit with yourself without escaping it lets you feel what you feel without labeling it good or bad if sadness arises you don't push it away you watch it if joy arises you don't chase it you watch that too and slowly you begin to taste a silence that is not boring but deeply alive that silence is the space between thoughts the space where ego disappears it is not empty it is full of clarity full of being this journey is not about becoming someone new it is about unlearning the false self the more you watch yourself without judgment the more layers begin to fall the masks you wore for society the roles you played to be accepted the beliefs you held without ever questioning one by one they dissolve what remains is not a blank space but the real eye which doesn't need a name an identity or a purpose it just is this being is not passive it is highly intelligent from this space action arises not from fear or desire but from truth you don't need to plan your every move life begins to move through you like a river flows effortless spontaneous and wise true freedom is not found in having more choices but in having less noise when the ego is silent life becomes simple you are no longer torn between past and future you are present and in presence everything becomes sacred a walk becomes meditation a conversation becomes connection even doing the dishes becomes a form of prayer why because you are aware you are not lost in thought not trying to be someone you are simply here and that is more than enough this is the essence of a true spiritual life not escaping to mountains not collecting philosophies but bringing awareness into your ordinary moments that's where truth hides in the now and yes ego will return again and again it will try to pull you back into its drama that's okay don't fight it just keep watching the ego is not your enemy it's a part of your conditioning the moment you start hating the ego you create another layer of ego the key is not to judge but to understand to see clearly without resistance to hold your inner chaos in gentle awareness this seeing is healing it is not a technique not a belief system it is a pure act of presence in that presence there is no me and my problem there is just life unfolding moment by moment and you not as a character but as the witnessing consciousness timeless and untouched [Music]