Transcript of How Matt & Abby Invented Weaponized Incompetence | Tyler's Kitschen

welcome back Bender baddies today we are talking about Matt Howard the king of weaponized incompetence he is running this [ __ ] running it I tell you and honestly I have fun watching it's a bit masochistic I made the mistake of scheduling horseback riding the same day my wife got an IUD I've been sleeping in our walk-in closet for the past month don't be fooled by me picking up my house because I'm not typically the one that does it Matt and Abby are young Christian family vloggers they met at a theater camp in 8th grade where High School sweethearts and got married pretty quickly out of high school they gained a following around 2021 when they got pregnant with their first child Griffin together they have a YouTube channel a podcast Tik Tok Instagram they are everywhere and they talk about the real the gritty the raw side of parenting but this couple I would say is more Infamous than they are famous at this point like clockwork every 3 months they get into some sort of controversy for stupid [ __ ] Matt says on the internet Matt likes to say that he's musically gifted in fact he has Perfect Pitch except for the pitch of his baby crying at night that's for his wife to hear Matt doesn't just drop the ball he sets it down walks away and then writes a song about how heavy it was if there were an Olympic sport for doing the least Matt wouldn't even sign up because he'd blame Abby for not filling out the registration form this man's hairline is disappearing at a rate just as fast as his marriage actually he did go through like a phase where he buzzed it and is really giving Somebody went to Turkey just saying I was actually on a walk walk the other day and this guy in a hood asked for my number and I kind of thought he was hot but I couldn't tell so I was like wait take off your hood I can't tell if you're old and he had the full turkey special went you're too old for me it was so funny there are so many things I could have said to not be in that situation and I didn't even mean this rude but I am going to go with the belief that he probably has mistreated women in his life and this was karmic retrobution because I didn't choose to say that I think that was kind of a God thing so welcome to Tyler's kitchen the show where you listen to my special interests which include feminism pop culture history and internet lore with a few more jokes than is necessary and or appropriate today we are talking about Matt Howard from the Matt and Abby podcast from Tik tok's Golden Boy to exhibit a in the case study for weaponized incompetence Matt and Abby built their career on being a cookie cutter adorable wholesome young couple but over the years we've watched this facade crumble before our eyes at face value he's just a quirky well-meaning do good guy but once you start looking into it it's like a little bit despicable and I think many women can relate to this if you've ever caught yourself mothering your full grown man then this story might resonate with you more than you'd think also today I'm following aby's recipe on DIY cake pops so we'll see how this goes I'm just happy that we're getting to use a box mix because guys I'm [ __ ] tired I've been doing important things I've just been drinking so you just finger your cake mix and then just like throw it in there ooh Funfetti smells so good recently Matt and Abby have gone viral for the princess in the Pea drama check this out this is super embarrassing but I've been sleeping in our walk-in closet for the past month and my wife's not a huge fan of this Arrangement okay I think a lot of things are strange about this this seems like a very difficult conversation to have you really have to put on some gloves to be able to navigate this conversation correct I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to sleep separately from your spouse especially like different schedules different habits maybe somebody snores really loud I've heard valid reasons as to why people do this but to go from sleeping together to not sleeping together that conversation's got to be done so delicately and this [ __ ] is announcing it on social media immediately when it's happening like did she get a say did she even know he was going to do this I don't think she did cuz check out how she responded does this mean that you're separating from me what what Ma claims he needs to prioritize his mental health because he has ADHD and anxiety which makes sleeping Arrangements difficult okay this is valid but but I think there is some responsibility for handling the conversation with your wife a little bit better they go on their podcast and talk about this and then she goes and you keep moving Gadgets in like AC units and sound machines and it really seems like you're not going to come back to sleeping with me I thought this is kind of a temporary thing and he's like no it's my way it's going to be my way and she's just kind of like oh okay I'm glad that we're like really sorting out this pivotal step in our relationship for everybody else to see not to mention like we don't know if she consented to him putting out that video what's going on behind the scenes to have that many strangers dissecting your relationship scary I feel so bad for her save this woman Matt mat Matt you are not special this would not be the first time a man has hidden deep inside a closet from his wife just saying if we look at this behavior from a broader context I think a lot of people in difficult relationships heteronormative relationships in particular there is this emotional labor that so often gets put on the woman I think culturally we've done like a bit of a pendulum shift where we used to not be able to talk about men's mental health but now we're being like very delicate with it he's lowkey like weaponizing it against her half cup oil okay that I can do you give me a box mix we're going to have a successful day like I probably won't up a box mix and that's kind of exciting even though I could cuz I am cooking it into a loaf pan I don't want to hear it guys I think often when women Express issues in a marriage it can be viewed as like nagging or bitching or demanding versus when a man expresses such similar complaint it's like self-care he's putting himself first is he putting himself first before the other people he's made commitments to absolutely that's kind of the problem I think Matt is acting how most 26-year-old men act and that's fine but he so preemptively introduced the concept of a wife and children before he was ready it's so clear this is how 26-year-old men act they're selfish they don't know what they're doing and they're figuring out who they are but usually they don't have the wife and kids in tandem so bro you got to step up to the [ __ ] plate I think this br is just like weaponizing therapy speak to do the bare minimum in this marriage oh I need water so it's hydrating I love cake mixes it's so fun it feels like I'm Easy Bake Oven in it so the whole Internet's been in an uproar over this mattress thing because we just feel bad for her like oh my God why are you airing out your personal tea like this bro all this for like a couple views don't be fooled by me picking up my house because I'm not typically the one that does and don't be fooled by me taking care of my son because most of the time my wife does that too Abby really wanted to go to the gym tonight so I'm on Griffin Duty and I wanted to surpris her with a clean house when she got home okay I'm sorry traditional roles one means that you go to work your job is a family Vlog your job is to record being a family so how are you going to sit here and tell me that Abby does all of the things for the family what do you do all day what does the nanny do what does the nanny do what do you do all day I'm sorry you usually don't take care of your son who you share with your wife how are you going to say that and then they released an apology video where Abby was like you guys I don't want to have to defend my marriage but Matt does things he does things like pay insurance and bills and I do everything else because I like to do everything else I'm sorry after I broke things off with my partner that I lived with I moved in by myself for the first time and my circuit breaker went out and I was terrified because I'd never done that before I'd always had my dad do it I'd always had my partner do it because that's like a boy thing or taking out the trash boy activity and so I started conquering these tasks because I had no nobody else to do them and I found out do you know how [ __ ] easy it is to fix a circuit breaker Jesus Christ that was my feminism watershed moment when I was with my partner it was a whole song and dance I would be like what are we going to do the poers out do you think you could fix it he would be like making it like a big deal like this [ __ ] was so lazy that it would take him easily 40 minutes to fix a circuit breaker who was going to tell me it was like and I'd be so grateful I'd be like wow you saved the day no you take a break I'll make dinner I'll clean the house I'll fold your underwear and put them away whatever you need come to find it out the [ __ ] circuit breaker fix it's as easy as turning off a light switch this just goes to say that men's work you know like uh in a traditional marriage it's like oh the woman does like everything and the men will like step up for like a home repair that [ __ ] is easy nobody was going to tell me it's so unfair because the male dominant activities are usually way faster to do come up like once a month maybe like Sunday you do a list of chores but it's like things that honestly if you were a girl who stood on business would take you 20 minutes per task but because guys need to take a 40-minute [ __ ] play on their phone for another 30 minutes whistle crack a cold one these tasks are actually they're so easy but men have lied to us because they don't want to be involved in the household so much they've been overselling their value for years rant over back to the topic but I hope Abby has this watershed moment maybe like a little month trip with her mom where she learns how to be by herself and I hope she has her watershed moment cuz for me it was a goddamn circuit breaker yeah I just don't know how you're going to say that you're a traditional marriage if you both have the same job my wife and I run a business together but she also runs the household I wouldn't say that's 50/50 I would say it's more of like an 80/20 situation I'm surprising her with a clean house wow that's so sweet what a great surprise if I came home and my surprise was a clean house so is she surprising you every day oh you let her go to the gym that's so kind of you while you spend hours every single day pursuing your music career and she's taking care of the kids is she surprising you with the clean housee you're like our babies are still alive surprise going to the gym is such a minimal ask why is it a treat to let her go to the gym bro so I have to let this cook for like half an hour that sucks let's see how's the batter training out Funfetti is just great it's one of those things Timeless classic a 2019 Galla Pole found that in households where both Partners work full-time women are still five times more likely to handle daily child care and house cleaning duties this is literally I've talked to my mom and her friends this is the reason why I would say four out of five of them got divorced over this very thing cuz I do think like gen xers their parents were Boomers so one parent worked and one parent did the house so then they just thought like oh girls do house things but now the girls working too another stat found that in dual income households women still perform 65% of household labor while men tend to overestimate their contributions and that is Matt overestimating his contributions I'm not even interested in the Matt and Abby story it is hilarious as much as what Matt represents to so many women he's such a best buddy if you've been following for a long time you know what that me means I made the mistake of scheduling horseback riding the same day my wife got an IUD this is my favorite clip on the yeah they should legislate on better IUD education because the way that they're like just a little tiny pinch it's not even going to hurt at all and then it's the most traumatic pain that like is in your memory for the rest of your life like that's how bad it is if I ever go back and get that [ __ ] replaced I'm getting perked the fck up I'm going to be under anesthetics if I got asked to go horseback riding after that he really said damn that's crazy babe uh but we still got our reservations giddy up cowgirl cowgirl it out pull on your boots [ __ ] I just love the way that he so clearly wants to put himself before anybody else involved and again this is 26-year-old man behavior so just don't be married get a time machine I don't know but you can't be doing this if you have ever seen Matt and Abby you've probably seen them from this clip because this really propelled them into infamy I got you a cake from DQ I guess we just had our family over and grilled I grilled but I know a lot of dads grilled on their birthday but yeah we had father's I grow your child you did grow my child all day every day but like Father's Day and my birthday were the same exact day yeah and it kind of was a bummer I'm be honest with you I failed you I'm obsessed with the way he is continuously embarrassing her and choosing himself Above All Else sir what are you doing the lack of self-awareness is like another form of weaponized incompetence that just fascinates me it's a little entertaining he's really giving her shade because he happens to have a birthday that's also on Father's Day and he happens to be upset because he had to grill for their family to come over I mean she's pregnant and hosting hosting in and of itself is so much emotional labor cuz you know he didn't help he probably wasn't cleaning you know like when you host as a woman you want to be cleaning all the crevices getting down on your hands and knees and cleaning baseboards I am scrubbing toilets I'm like elbows deep in all the toilets if company is coming the house will be sparkling he's not participating or it's like that Meme of they're like I think I'm going to go paint the roof people are coming inside and you're worried about painting the roof and you know why they want to paint the roof so that they can get the [ __ ] away from you so you don't ask them to do anything real it's so that they can drink beer and do the bare minimum the way that she has to gental paren him is beyond a survey involving 7,000 women revealed that 46% of mothers identified their husbands as a more significant source of stress than their own children Matt really just happens to be the mascot of every problem women are facing in modern relationships here's another best moment my life just changed big time and for a little bit I was like wow like all my career goals have to go to the Wayside I was kind of frustrated a little bit I could tell and I just kind of shut down and didn't say anything like I was just like quiet so this is right after their baby was born he didn't talk to her for 2 days because it meant the death of his career wait but also he went to school for fin like they got like normal degrees it's not like they were famous on Tik Tok for him like this is what's so mind-boggling like what did he see getting killed because of that like what went away I was kind of mad yeah and it just that just lasted for like a day it lasted like two days you think it lasted two days for sure did it last in the second day maybe it did last for the second day girl leave she goes it actually lasted for 2 days but okay that is honestly so traumatizing that experience I literally cannot imagine and I think this is their second baby too I don't even think this is their first baby that he's talking about this is absurd and also we had 9 months to do this realization of the baby coming on its way bro what career was ahead of you did you think you were going to be a touring artist be so [ __ ] for real because of the fan base he has he probably does better with having the baby just bring the baby on tour bro I don't know also you've already admitted that Abby does everything women in the United States spend 37% more time on unpaid household labor and Care work than men I just think this constant weaponization of men's mental health to be a shitty husband is getting very old and it's really just so upsetting to watch him diss on his wife constantly so I just got my cake out of the oven as you can see it's kind of like a weird burnt on the outside undercooked on the inside I kind of torant it to check but like such is life so what we have to do here is basically according to aby's tutorial you just kind of like crunch into it ooh it's very burnt maybe that's going to be the demise of these cake pops but you just kind of throw it in there delicious though maybe I need a spoon okay definitely do not do the edges you're just going to want to like dig out the ints of of your cake it feels like I'm doing an operation this is probably how surgeons feel thank you for this recipe Abby I'm having a great time actually recently we've also gotten to be introduced to Matt's music career era of course Matt loves to act like he's in High School Musical except for we are not all in this together it's mostly just Abby in this I was introduced to Matt and Abby due to his music career Arc which was such a treat to watch unfold and he's still on it Matt is such a multi-hyphenate creative dad podcaster music musician actor what's next a makeup line oh my gosh wait I could see that mascara he would definitely do that guys if you were an influencer what hack knockoff fake brand would you launch I'm making such a mess like you've seen toddlers do this more efficiently but it's pretty delicious and I'm like doing that thing where I'm eating through the tiredness as a good cook does and there's the intrs of our cake and that's what we're left with this man really made a song about how his fam isn't enough for him and then I know so I actually wrote a song about it basically this Tik Tok is saying bro you have all set up you have kids your wife has a banging body everything should be good for you you have the easiest [ __ ] job in the world but it's still not enough it does suck bro what this is such a slap in the face to this woman also being shirtless in this video everything about this is maximum ick this is really just like new levels cake pops are so stupid like what was the point of this just have a slice of cake the song is Beautiful basically he sits in the car next to his wife and he goes this is the new song I wrote I Want You to react to it babe the song essentially goes I thought I knew what I wanted but it's not enough and I'm sad the sentiment of playing a song about being depressed cuz your life isn't what you want it to be in front of your wife who just gave you two babies is actually sick and twisted there is a space for men to like be open about their mental health and that's amazing but I just don't think that's what this is giving look her right in the face and you know like he spent hours in the studio away from the family not participating what does she do she goes to the gym that's like a 1hour Endeavor to produce a song that takes hours and thousands of dollars oh I would be so mad I would be livid and she just has to sit there and be like this is beautiful babe we've been through some highs and lows in our relationship Rec uhoh not the Epic highs and lows of high school football they're so quintessential small town high school sweetheart couple we all know them BR thank you so much for the past 8 years ever since 8th grade when we kiss in under the bleachers things have been amazing but the past year has been filled with ups and downs and I'm so glad we made it through it together and now we're stronger because of it maybe their resentment is stronger somehow we just hate and love each other wait what he also said sometimes we get in Petty fights oh my gosh the lyrics of the song are kind of rude why is he being so dissing on her he's really letting it all out in the studio have you considered therapy if he's in therapy he seriously needs to get a new one because he is working this therapist to tell him exactly what he wants this is wild oh my god I think I'm doing it right it's like kind of coming together like how cake pop textur is if I do this right I'm going to be shocked you are my best friend like I love it this is the only video that I've ever seen of her where she looks like refreshed and alive is this before the kids or something if you look up their podcast every single time he's like I'm ready to do our podcast and she's just sitting there like yeah I get that she's Deborah down but I don't blame her I think on top of a lot of these songs just being blatant disses on Abby there is something to mention about this is his hobby right like there's no way he's making money off the music her hobby is going to the gym also mind you their gym has Child Care making a song costs so much money it takes so much time I know friends who do this for a fun it is like an all-encompassing commitment and she doesn't have any fun Endeavors like that I feel so bad for her that sucks and I feel like again you see this a lot in like heterosexual marriages the man will have a hobby like golf where like literally you're gone for like 12 hours and like sometimes you use it as an excuse to go on trips and golf is really expensive and then like the wife's hobby will be like going for a run which is like free it takes like 2 hours and sometimes they even take the kids on the run with them traditionally women's hobbies are like cooking and knitting like oh my God you're doing that while you're watching the kids doesn't that make you feel so sad but I think part of the reason Matt and Abby go viral all the time is because this really resonates with so many women who have been in or are in a similar scenario they see Abby and they're like girl I was you they see Matt and they're like stop it right now get away from that woman also Matt gives the Vibes of a community theater dad I grew up doing theater and there would always be men in like their 30s and 40s with full families like I'm talking like four or five kids doing these shows and I would always think to myself even as a kid I was like wow you're like family is just at home while you're doing this cuz like rehearsals were so extensive they'd go from like 7 to 10 or 11 and they would be every night of the week and then 3 hours on Saturday mornings like it was such a huge commitment that is giving Matt Howard energy if Matt Howard didn't have social media he would be fulfilling this void of attention in Community Theater you know his family would be suffering so that he could be Joseph in a local production of Joseph in the amazing technical or drink cup they say men want kids like children want dogs like yeah the novelty of having one saying you have one having one for fun moments that sounds cool the lack of sleep s The Strain it puts on you the decision to never Choose Yourself first ever again that part doesn't sound fun they actually call this the second shift in 1989 Arley hos child wrote that women are not granted the same opt out privileges as men even when women experience mental health struggles they're expected to keep parenting managing the household and supporting their partner Matt often uses mental health to check out it's clear that aby's probably not all sunshine and Roses as well but somebody's got to make sure the kids get fed and it's not going to be Matt's dumbass also one thing that is worth mentioning is that women are twice as likely as men to develop anxiety and depression especially after giving birth yet they're expected to continue performing domestic labor at the same rate Matt's mental health explanation for everything is not personal but it reflects a larger gendered pattern that I think so many women resonate with this expectation of wives to pick up slack of a man suffering if you guys haven't seen Kevin can go f himself you literally need to because it's such a great exploration in the way that like we were sold this well-meaning stupid doting husband Trope the reality is is that that archetype is so damaging chaotic and toxic it's not just dumb naive it's so terrifying because nobody's that dumb these men are not going to work and fumbling it in the same way that they're fumbling at home they're choosing to weaponize incompetence to not be asked things to have low expectations in the home life men will remember the stats of their favorite football player and not your birthday that is weaponized incompetence he doesn't have memory issues babe he just doesn't [ __ ] care about you he just hates you I think even 20 years ago Matt never would have been controversial we would have been like a he's so cute and quirky look at him helping clean up but because we've progressed so much in feminism and women leaving their husbands and being more open about their relationships we're finally able to identify that this is like not cute and harmless and well-meaning he's actually just kind of shitty to this poor woman and I'm not saying Abby isn't to blame she's putting her kids on camera she did the classic freaking Cruise baby monitor drama clearly she also has some blood on her hands but that's not really what I wanted to get into today because I think Matt represents a larger cultural issue that I find so compelling to talk about this is honestly some of my best work put this in my portfol and this is what we have very nice and Demir very clumpy Starbucks would probably not like these but let's try it that's exactly how a cake pop tastes Mary Cosby was looking down on me today and blessed me with a dub thank you Matt and Abby Howard for the recipe that didn't go arai that was pretty straightforward I really appreciate you I needed this today I needed this today so bad guys let me know your thoughts in the comments what is your favorite Matt and Abby moment I would say mine is still yeeha yeeha and what are your thoughts on weaponizing incompetence in relationship ships how are you managing this in your personal life day to-day I want to know let's have a conversation in the comments thank you so much for watching and if you're not already subscribed please do with notifications bye Baddies